i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
