She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
