two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
