: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
