i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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