so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
