I hate all girls vehemently.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
