so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
