I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
