yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've blown a few things in my day
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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