You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
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When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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