Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
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Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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