So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
