Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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