so let's talk penis.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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