You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
