I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
