i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
