I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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