what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
