Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
