??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
