based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize