K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
