You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
