you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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