I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
