Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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