That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
