Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
