I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
