I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
