I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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