y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
