I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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