you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
