I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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