seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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