theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
