I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
