Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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