Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
