dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
