weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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