Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
