I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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