she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
