i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
