So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
