My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
