Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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