Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
