i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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