Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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