Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
