She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
