In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
