I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
