You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
