I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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