Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
