yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
