You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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