Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
