Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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