you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
