DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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