absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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